PIO...them's fighting words *UPDATED*

Holy sh*t, am I ANGRY today.

And I mean A.N.G.R.Y.

I want to punch something....or, better yet, someone.

HARD.

It's got to be the progesterone. There's really nothing in my life at the moment that is making me so angry.

In fact, it doesn't even feel life-specific, if that makes sense. It feels chemical.

Let's just say I was wishing that Mr. LIW had already left for work by the time I got up. THEN he just HAS to brush his teeth while I am trying to get in the shower.

(As usual, I was running about 5 minutes behind the ideal schedule I set for myself every morning yet fall short of.)

I rushed into work for an early meeting which ,apparently, had been cancelled. Or something.

Then I found out that the two-hour meeting later this morning that I had been both looking forward to (because it was going to be incredibly interesting) and dreading (because I am in a bad mood and don't want to be around people) had been cancelled.

Which, you guessed it, made me even angrier.

Anyone remember that disturbing movie in the early 90's which depicted a veteran who had gone crazy from the aggression-enhancing drugs he was given in the war? I think that PIO would have worked just as well as whatever drug he was given. On second thought, maybe it was the same thing.

It's not necessarily the shots, per se. Sometimes they hurt more than others. But they are not excruciating.

It doesn't help that my brea.sts hurt like a MOFO and I recoil each and every time anything touches them. Especially when I have to fight with my cat, Max, to give him his medication (which has to be shoved down his throat twice a day.)

But it's not really *anything* tangible. Yet it is SO real.

Ugh. I wish I could spend the day at the movies - avoiding other people as well as myself.

But, alas, I am here at work now faced with one of the projects on which I had been procrastinating.

And convincing myself that I am failing at this job, which I know is not the case (the scuttlebutt continues to be that they want me to stay permanently and the visiting physicians from Dubai have reportedly said wonderful things about me.)

These are just the thoughts I think when I am in a bad mood.

If I don't obsess about this cycle, then what else is there to think about?

There's work. And my job situation. And how I have yet to hear from the people who were expected to contact me in January about opportunities. I will reach out to them soon but not today. I can imagine how irritable I would come across.

Instead, I will sit here and do my work. And fume for no reason.

What IFers go through is underestimated and overlooked......
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I am feeling less angry now. I am still irritable, for sure, but less desperate to break something.

Dr. Google tells me that PIO can cause irritability and depression, especially in people prone to depression.

Which, we all know, is me.

Thank goodness that I researched my anti-depressants before starting TTCing nearly two years ago. I was ready to go off of them but then I read research by physicians considered experts on the topic (one right here in Boston!) that indicated that the impact of my specific med on babies is minimial enough to warrant staying on it.

Especially because going off of it significantly increases the chance that I would suffer from post-partum depression. Ugh.

So, I have continued with my 40mg of cital.opram every night. Imagine if I had stopped it? I would probably be a complete emotional mess.

Other than the irritability, I continue to have intermittent uterine cramps. And a heaviness that is around more often than it is not.

And intense salt and veggie cravings.

But that could be the progesterone, too......

(I would be lying if these things weren't helping to maintain my hope just a little....)