I am SO sick....and not in a good way...9dp3dt

So, the tetrafire did me in. I have no doubt that the pre-ulcer that was identified in 2004 through an endoscopy is back with a vengeance. My guess is that it is a full-fledged ulcer now.

In 2004, following the diagnosis, I took a prescription medication that solved the problem. I took it when needed for the next couple of years. And then we started TTC and my OB recommended that I switch back to OTC meds b/c the prescribed meds are not safe in pregnancy. So, I did. And, for the most part, they worked.

A few months ago, I contemplated asking my PCP to prescribe something again. My stomach problems had gotten significantly worse, thereby exacerbating my IBS. But I just couldn't. I simply couldn't allow myself to put off ivf #1.

And now I am here. In horrible pain.

Yesterday, I could barely stand up. I know that walking after eating helps but it was excruciating. And I took as much Zan.tac as I could get away with. Nothing.

The burning had subsided a tiny bit this morning, but I decided to stay home and rest anyway - and continue to eat plain chicken and crackers. Well, it is a good thing that I did because it is worse again. And now I am nauseus, too. I can't figure out if eating helps or makes it worse. Eating used to help but now since I feel worse after eating breakfast....I am not so sure.

Mr. LIW tells me to go to the doctor, but I refuse to until I know the beta results, which I will receive on Friday afternoon. If I get a BFN, I will ask if taking a perscription med for a month before we move on to the next cycle is safe. If it is, then I will take it.

If I get a BFP, well, than I will ask my doctor what else I can take. I have consulted Dr. Google, of course, and all I have learned is what I already knew: eat "safe" foods and take meds. If the p-word, take Pep.cid and its cousins only. I am doing these things. It will heal, eventually.

Since the pre-ulcerative sores they found in 2004 were not a consequence of the bacteria that is thought to cause most ulcers, I am somewhat confident that the current damage is the same. Which is good. Because the antibiotics for the bacteria-based ulcer? Not safe in pregnancy.

Of course, if I get a BFN, then I could probably treat it. But I am kind of stuck until I know.

As long as I can get the pain down to a manageable level, I will be ok. I am used to stomach/intestinal pain. But this exceeds even the worst that I have dealt with since 2004. Maybe even worse than what I dealt with in 2004.

As for p symptoms, I still crave salty foods. Sweets continue to turn me off. Even milk kind of grosses me out, which is bizarre because I *heart* milk.

-Though the stomach pain is probably a complicating factor to all of this -

I believe that I feel the occassional cramp in my lower abdomen. Since the stomach pain is higher than that, I can be relatively confident that the cramps are coming from my uterus.

But I am starting to get discouraged. The ulcer situation is depressing me, I guess. And it is hard to believe that anything good could happen.

I can no longer dream of a yummy alcoholic drink on Friday night to console me if this cycle went south. There will be no beverages of that nature for a while, no matter what the result. So now dreams of omerpra.zole are what make me feel better.

I just can't help but be angry. There's no doubt in my mind that IF is one of the factors that has helped propel the damage to my stomach - and not only because of the tetracycline/tetrafire that I took for this cycle. Maybe the PIO is a factor as well? Who knows.

But it sucks. Had I gotten pregnant over a year ago, I wouldn't have to worry about being the p-word and struggling with an ulcer. Dr. Google tells me that most ulcers heal in pregnancy because the stomach produces less acid. But I know that the vitamins/folic acid will make it much worse in the meantime.

But, hey, I may get a BFN on Friday and this will all be moot.

How depressing, eh?