My Egg Basket is Growing (and hope is, too!) *UPDATED*

Before I update my own situation, I wanted to let you know that I had dinner with ME and Steve last night.

ME's doing fantastic, under the circumstances. Her attitude is great - better than mine would be if I were on bed rest. She's understandably nervous about every little ache and pain - I know that I would be - so make sure you send her lots of comfort. Her next u/s is Thursday and I am holding my breath for her.

Maybe it's because my cycle is going well, or it's because I know a family who went through a similar (and successful!) triplet pregnancy, but I couldn't help but believe that the Three Amigos will be fine. Steve is absolutely beside himself with excitement - it's really adorable. And I was impressed by how unified Steve and ME are. I think this experience is strengthening their bond, which is wonderful.

ME looked beautiful and it was SO great to see her. It made me realize how much I missed her and how grateful I am that we are friends.

I look forward to holding her little ones this spring/summer! She has a long way to go until then so she is going to need all of our love and support. She's a wonderful person so she deserves it!!!

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I have to thank you for your positive comments about my appearance. All of you know that I have a shallow side and now you know that I am a sucker for compliments. :-)

Ok, if I thought that my ovaries ached the other day, I was mistaken.

Those suckers really ACHE now. Ever 5 seconds or so I feel a cramp. The cramps are not intense (luckily) but they are enough to feel uncomfortable.

And the heaviness. Sheesh. It's unbelievable.

I looked at my stomach in the shower this morning and was, in all honesty, horrified.

HA! Now I know what bloated *really* looks like.

I have been relatively lucky over the years. AF is largely unobtrusive. I had a couple of episodes of severe cramping that warranted two trips to the ER and a 9-month stint of BCPs in my 20s but, overall, I don't experience PMS.

Boy, do I now understand why women complain about bloating! (Yet another way that IF has taught me empathy.)

My ovaries must be HUGE.

Guess what today's total of follies over 10mm was.....

A whopping 16. I honestly can't believe it!

There are 7 on one side and 9 on the other.

The two largest follicles are 20mm, so my assumption is that retrieval will occur on Thursday. Or Friday at the latest. And then a transfer on Sunday or Monday.

Though I tend toward a pessimistic outlook where my life is concerned, how can I *not* be hopeful under these circumstances?

At least a few of these eggs will be good, right? And ICSI will make sure that at least a couple of them fertilize, right?

I realize that I am asking rhetorical questions here.

But now that I got all of that hope out on (virtual) paper, I can't help but think of the people who have perfect cycles that turn out to be unsuccessful. Producing follies is only one part of the complicated and unpredictable ivf puzzle.

Is it possible for me to have great hormone levels, respond well to all IF meds, but have poor-quality eggs?

I guess anything is possible but is it safe to believe that that scenario would be highly unlikely? That there's a *very* strong chance that my eggs are healthy?

Then again, Mr. LIW's morphology problem was "highly unlikely" as well. His volume is great and his motility is fine yet his morphology is, well, in the sh*tter.

Ok, I am making myself crazy now. I just need to celebrate the little successes as the come. My active ovaries may only be one part of the process but they are still something to celebrate.

And I keep telling myself that there are people - including a few bloggers - who have gotten pregnant off of ivf #1.

If low morphology is our only problem (since IF meds solve my problem), then ivf can work for us.

These are the questions that make me absolutely crazy these days, so I am just trying to focus on the positive and celebrate that my basket is full (and my ovaries are achy and heavy. Hell, my breasts are, too.)
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I just spoke to Dr. Gentle's nurse, let's call her GreatNurse, and egg retrieval is set for Thursday!!

She is so very nice, I always like talking to her, and she especially made me feel good today.

She said that my response was "remarkable" given the fact that I was on such a low dose of the gonadatropins. She *didn't* say "and for your age" but I inferred it. Because, you know, after a woman turns 35, she is more likely not to respond (I spent hours on Dr. Google this afternoon to try to manage my expectations.)

Trigger is tonight - yahoo!, only ONE injection instead of two - and tomorrow I get a day off from injections, u/s/ blood work, etc.

(How sad is that that that is one of the things that excites me??!!)

Egg retrieval is scheduled for 9am on Thursday, though we have to arrive at 8am.

I have to admit to you that I am E.X.C.I.T.E.D.

I didn't want to be this way. I wanted to remain nonchalant but I simply can't.

What enhanced my level of hope was what I found via my little research project this afternoon. The stats show that a greater number of eggs at retrieval DOES increase your chances of a successful cycle.

AND a strong response to the meds DOES suggest good egg quality.

I realize that none of these indicators are definitive but they are promising.

The only concern - IF wouldn't let me down by giving me only good news, would it? - is that GreatNurse told me to monitor myself for signs of OHSS within 4 or 5 days after the trigger shot.

My Estradiol levels are high - 3,631 - and, though they match what the u/s is showing (which makes Dr. Gentle not particularly worried), there is a chance that I could go into OHSS after the retrieval.

You know what my first thought was? "That's ok, because we should get a few frozen embies from this so, even if my ovaries need a resting period between cycles, we can move forward with an FET if this fresh cycle fails."

I have a sick mind, I tell you.

There was one thing that confused me, though, about our conversation. GreatNurse counted 15 follicles on the list, though it sounded like she counted them up really quickly. I guess it doesn't matter since, as ME pointed out, sometimes they get more than they anticipated. They could also get fewer as well. My hope is, of course, that they get more.

Let me tell you, the success rates for women who produce 20 eggs or more are unbelievable - even for women between the ages of 35 and 39.

Always the overachiever, I started begging those little achy creatures - aka ovaries - to do their THANG and make me some more eggs, damnit.

I am great at setting unrealistic goals, and this one is most likely an indication of that tendency.

Anyway, one step at a time. Trigger tonight at 9pm. Egg retrieval on Thursday at 9am. Transfer on Sunday (time TBD)

And, the hardest part of the entire process - THE BETA - which is tentatively set for January 25th, which is a Friday.

I hope they do the test on Friday - so that I don't have to wait until the following Monday.

And, if the cycle fails, I have the entire weekend to cry my eyes out (after only a few hours of work since they won't call me until the afternoon). Or throw the couch pillows. Or eat sushi and watch one of my shameful tv pleasures (anyone watch DeG.rassi?)

Alternatively, *maybe* I will be celebrating that weekend.

Nah, even if the beta is positive, I will be holding my breath (and praying to a god to which I don't believe) for a strong, second beta....

Please please please, send the universe good thoughts for me.....