I have so much to be grateful for... *UDATED WITH FERT REPORT*

Here's the message I found from Mr. LIW in my inbox this morning:

How are you feeling? Any better/worse? If you feel too uncomfortable to stay at work, please do not hesitate to go home. Your well being is far more important.

And... I just wanted to say thank you for going through all you are going through. It means a great deal to me that you would be willing to do this.

I love you tremendously.

Love
me

I never doubted my decision to marry Mr. LIW. He is unlike everyone else I have ever been with (read stable and giving.) But it is when he recognizes what I am going through and thanks me for making sacrifices, I fall in love with him all over again.

He said the same thing to me last night as I was falling asleep. We actually had a bit of fun with the progesterone shots. We were joking and laughing about it. The actual shot was not fun, of course, but thanks to all of your advice it wasn't that bad.

And the two people I work for in this temp job told me to leave early today if I need to. They are being wonderful about all this, especially since I might miss an important meeting if we transfer on Tuesday instead of Sunday.

I am a lucky person. Whether or not ivf #1 works, I know that I have SO much to be grateful for.

An amazing husband. An incredibly-supportive circle of friends - both online and in RT. A loving family. Coworkers who are caring and considerate.

As Susan, my therapist, pointed out to me on Wednesday night, I have done a great job developing my social side over the past couple of years. I used to be so anxious about what people thought of me, etc., that I would make friends but not necessarily keep them. I tended to isolate myself to some degree even though it wasn't obvious to people who didn't know me well.

Some of the best embryologists in the world working on my little embies right now. I learned yesterday that people travel to the Center I am using from around the globe to get ART. The anesthesiologist told me that he had a patient from Turkey just the other day. And India. And China.

Taking on the eating disorder two years ago helped me to see that I am more than my weight. And people like me whether or not I am in great physical shape. This, in turn, has helped me to be more of the person I have always longed to be: genuinely giving and interested in others and their life experiences without being hesitant because I am anticipating rejection.

And it has paid off. I have all of you. And more.

A baby (or two) would really be icing on the cake for me (and, boy, do I LOVE icing.) :-)

And more great news....I feel absolutely great today. I am still somewhat sore and achy, but much less than yesterday. I feel better than I did on Wednesday even. I will be ready for a 3-day transfer if necessary, and I left Dr. Gentle a message letting him know that.

I guess getting a great job is becoming less important to me, at least right now. I am not sure I could ask for a better work situation while undergoing ivf #1. I am told that things are going to get really busy really fast but that's fine with me. Everyone here seems to understand that ivf is a major undertaking. As long as that continues, then I am fine here. And who knows. If I could turn this job into more of a project coordinator and less of an administrative coordinator, it might be worth staying.

In the meantime, I am lucky. And grateful to the universe for all that I have.

(And sending loving thoughts and strength to 9 eggs and the embryologist who is turning them into embros.......)

***********************************
Just when I started to caution myself that I was feeling waaaay too hopeful, I got a call frm Dr. Gentle.

He wanted to make sure that I was feeling ok. He was clearly concerned about OHSS and internal bleeding.

One of the reasons he wasn't able to get more eggs is because his needle kept getting clogged with blood since I bleed so easily.

I told him I was feeling fine, which I am. I still have some achiness that is a constant dull ache right now because I have been sitting all day (which seems to make it worse) but I told him I have taken no tylenol today except for first thing this morning. That I was much more sore this morning, hence the tyl.enol.

He was concered that I even felt the need to take tylenol. He wants to make sure that I am not suffering from mild OHSS.

But, since my body is so damn sensitive (like my heart!), I would be shocked if I had no discomfort given the fact that my ovaries were pierced yesterday.

He asked if I was sure I wanted to do a fresh transfer and laughed when I emphatically answered "YES."

And then he went through a handful of classic OHSS symptoms to make sure I didn't have them: distended abdomen (since that doesn't include my normal pudge, I answered no), difficulty breathing (no), etc.

Then he asked if the clinic had called with the fertilization report. I told him they called to check in on me but they wouldn't call with the fert report until tomorrow between 3 and 6pm.

But he has been monitoring the progress of me and Mr. LIW's reproductive matter and so he gave me some GREAT news:

*All 9 eggs were mature
*6 out of the 9 fertilized (thanks to ICSI)
*And all 6 appear to be progressing nicely.

But the BEST news - and I mean BEST - is that those 6 eggs were "TOP QUALITY."

I nearly cried with joy.

Dr. Gentle is *confident* that we will get two top-quality embryos to transfer and a couple more to freeze.

He said that this cycle has "gone perfectly, just as I predicted."

Even if this ivf doesn't work, a cycle has to work eventually, right???!!

If Mr. LIW's spe.rm can do what they need to do as long as they get help breaking the egg's lining, and I can produce great eggs, then ivf has got to work for us.

I realize that there is still so far to go before we become parents. But I can't help but be hopeful. I need to hold on to the hope that ivf will work for us at some point.

And at least I have so many reasons to be hopeful.

All day, especially after I received the good news, I kept thanking the universe. And the fantastic doctors and scientists that are making it all possible.

And all of you wonderful bloggers who remind me every minute of every day that I am not alone in all of this.

If this all works out....if we get one or two healthy children out of this....I vow to pay it forward.

I owe the universe *at least* that.