The puzzle pieces are in place and the acne is starting to break out on my face

Since today is CD 6, we are well into our Clo.mid cycle #2. The baseline u/s on Sunday showed that the largest cyst was 10mm, which means it was safe to use the BIG C for a consecutive cycle.

As to be expected, my nipples are starting to feel as if they had been sucker-punched and my face is getting oilier and I can almost feel the zits straining against the skin of my face, yearning to break free.

After what felt like a zillion phone calls (why is it so difficult to speak to the RE's nurse instead of leaving a message??), I was able to arrange to have an u/s on CD11 in Florida on Monday. My insurance won't cover it but it will go towards an out-of-network deductible, so that's good. Mr. LIW and I decided that $300 (for one u/s)-600 (for two) is worth it in the hopes of getting a successful cycle. All of you know how that decision-making process goes.

The nurse faxed an order to the clinic I contacted in Florida, which is located about an hour away from where I am staying. She noted that I might need two u/s in order to determine when I can trigger.

I also arranged to have the ovi.drel injection to be delivered to where I will be staying so that I don't have to transport it on the plane. Our prescription insurance company actually prefers that we have our prescriptions filled and shipped through them. I just switched to Mr. LIW's plans so I am learning the nuances of these plans (we have one for healthcare and one for prescription drugs.)

Good thing I am unemployed and have all this time on my hands, eh?

Now that I know that I have a well-paying temp job set up for August through October, I am feeling a bit better about this time off. I have decided to paint the two bedrooms that we never got to last summer.

Determining the colors for the first one was easy. When we bought the house two years ago, we agreed on giving one of the extra bedrooms a Mexican theme. We picked out the colors (a deep orangy-red and an orangy-yellow - the room has a chair rail so it makes sense to use two colors) and I had the Mexican artwork that we bought while traveling there framed. It is going to look amazing and I am excited to be in charge of it. I nearly broke my back painting the ceiling yesterday and was convinced I did a shitty job but it actually looks great today.

We plan to buy the pain tonight....oh, if the transmission on the truck lasts long enough to get to the store after MR. LIW drives it home from work.

Did I mention that it looks like the transmission on our reliable 2000 Toyota SUV is about to die?

This is how it always works, when money is tight, something happens to a vehicle. Since we only have one car right now (and only one source of income) this feels particularly painful. I can only hope that the damage is minimal.

Anyway, back to my exciting home-improvement projects.

So, what color will you paint the other bedroom, LIW?

You mean, the room that will be a nursery?

That room has remained the last on our agenda because we were hoping to make the decision once a baby was on the way. But I have the time now and I can no longer stand the ugly border along the white walls that the previous owners left behind. It is a scary prospect to paint a room for a baby that you don't know if/when you will have.

Mr. LIW and I agreed that it is worth moving forward with....that we might as well paint it a nice light yellow, which works with the comforter that is on the double bed in the room and with a nursery theme in the future (if we are lucky enough to make it to that point.) But it is still fraught with some melancholy and angst.

Speaking of children....

You know how people say spending time with other people's children will force you to realize how hard being a parent is and enjoy your time as a couple?

Well, they haven't met our friends' children.

Ok, a little background.

My husband has remained close with a group of his college buddies through the years. All of them live in the Northeast, but most of them do not live close enough to see them often. I met his friend G and G's wife, B, and their family in the fall of 2006 and instantly loved B. She's awesome and, after surviving IF herself, told me to tell people to "FUCK OFF" if they tell you to relax in order to get pregnant. From the beginning, she has encouraged me to be aggressive with my doctors and tell people off if necessary.

Any question as to why I knew that we were destined to be fantastic friends?

After 6 failed IUIs nearly 6 years ago, B and her husband moved on to IVF. By that point, they were feeling annihilated by the entire process, believing that they would never give birth to children, and were preparing to move on to adoption. They were diagnosed as "unexplained" and, with the shreds of hope they had left, opted for IVF.

The process, which involved emergency ICSI, yielded three embryos: one of excellent quality, one of medium quality, and one of fair quality. The RE suggested that they transfer all three since there was less than a 1% chance that all three would implant.

Roughly six months later, after three months of bedrest and numerous shots to speed up the babies' lung development, B gave birth to three very very tiny premature babies.

Their odds of survival were less than guaranteed and B and G held their breaths.

They made it through the woods and, once they had finally come home (before their due dates in fact!), and their parents were getting used to the idea of three children, they learned that they were pregnant. On the eve of a getaway to the Caribbean, when B was looking forward to drinks with little umbrellas in them.

This pregnancy, of course, was by accident.

They seriously could not believe the twist of fate. But they went on to have a healthy baby boy 9 months later.

The triplets - two girls and one boy - are now 5 years old. And the little boy is 4.

I thought I would be overwhelmed by their visit, that it would force me to rethink my feelings about twins being a blessing. (In fact, I think that Mr. LIW and I are separately but equally yearning for a set of healthy twins.)

I know that B and G's four children are now at a much easier age. My favorite age, in fact. And that they only stayed for 24 hours.

But they were incredibly interesting to talk to and watch. B and G are amazing parents and all four children are smart and articulate and generally happy. The dynamics among the four are worthy of a documentary.

And the little boy literally stole my heart the minute he opened his mouth to talk to me. We bonded right away and he was the one who was least anxious to leave the next day, even though they were off to visit another friend's family, which includes a boy roughly their age. In fact, he asked if he could stay, which literally melted my heart.

Then one of the little girls asked me when we would have a baby. I nearly hugged B when she told her that we are working on it. That it takes time.

Once an IFer, always an IFer.

When the little boy left, I nearly cried. He continued to wave to me from the car window.

I loved every single one of them. But the little boy gave me a taste of what it would feel like to have my own child, given the way we connected. Especially since, for as long as I have been thinking about being a parent, I have imagined having a son (even in the early days - as in, a decade ago, when I wanted a daughter.)

Then my house was quiet. No little voices, no little ones chasing the dog or trying to pet the cat. No one asking me for a juice box or why the cat likes to stretch out under the table and watch everyone.

I want a child. There's times when I question the process, wonder how far I will go to be a parent.

And I know that raising a child/children is difficult in a way that I can't even fathom at this point. B talked about the early days, the four cribs, the four car seats, etc.

I know it will leave me exhausted and frustrated most of the time. But look at what B and G have: four absolutely amazing children.

I have always known that Mr. LIW would travel to the ends of the earth to be a dad. If I had any doubts that I would go with him, they were washed away this weekend.