Clo.mid + LIW's Ovaries = BFF *UPDATED*

So, as all of my avid readers know, Clo.mid Cycle # 1 was a bust.

In fact, AF just pulled up with all of her angry cramps in tow. Could someone kindly explain to her that women with IBS experience double doses of all of the cramps she dishes out? My intestines are clearly closely connected to my uterus. So, when the ute contracts, so goes the intestines. Ugh.



*******I want to warn you that the rest of this post may be difficult for some of you to to read. If you had poor results on Clo.mid or have trouble producing eggs, it might be in your best interest not to read any further. I appreciate your interest in my blog but I NEVER NEVER want to cause anyone any pain. Well, at least not anyone who's infertile!***********




I am actually feeling better today. First, because of the distinguished membership list for the Angry Club (thanks to all of my lovely blog friends!!) Second, because I learned that I got the temp job that I was hoping for. (It doesn't start until Aug 6th but that gives me a few weeks to get used to the fact that I will be trained by a very pregnant woman before she leaves for maternity leave.)

Third, because I learned that my ovaries LOVE clo.mid. (Let's refer to Clo.mid as the BIG C from now on.)

Dr. Gentle was very happy with my u/s results on CD 17. The trusted dildocam indicated that I released three - yes, friggin THREE!!! - eggs. The cam picked up three corpus lutea (is that the plural?). The one on my left ovary was 13.5mm and the two on my right ovary were 23mm and 26mm, respectively.

HOLY SHIT. I still can't get over this.

Anyway, he was a bit concerned with the size of the two on my right ovary. I asked if having a consistently low platelet count could be the cause and he said yes. I explained that my PCP used to monitor my count closely because it would sometimes fall below normal. Believe me, I have entertained MANY questions over the years as to whether or not I was being physically abused. Few people get as many colorful bruises as often as I do.

The concern is (you know that there would be at least one!) is that those cysts might stick around for a while, thanks to the BIG C that still lingers in my system.

But, that is such a minor concern given what could be going wrong.

I learned three important things from Clo.mid cycle 1

1) I am a strong responder to the standard dosage of the drug (100mg/daily);

2) My lining was not damaged in any way by the drug (Dr. Gentle told me with much glee that 14.7 was great)

3) Clea.rBlu.e Easy OPKs suck.

Ok, so the last one I knew already.

We happily constructed a plan for this cycle, given what we learned from the last one...

Oh, before I move on, I just *have* to tell you how remiss Dr. Gentle was that we didn't give it the ole college try as I waited for the positive on the OPK. I explained that we were trying to be good patients and, per Dr. Gentle's suggestions, Mr. LIW was "saving up" until we got that positive. However, I certainly prefer a failed cycle to a triplet pregnancy. Mr. LIW, as crazy and insane as he is, smiled at the idea of three babies. As my mother put it, then we would have three Mr. LIW's running around. Since he was a terror as a child, this comment entertained only him!

But, seriously, we have close friends who have triplets from IVF (and then a surprise fourth child). They adore their children but the triplets almost didn't make it so the thought of going through that is frightening. So, I am grateful that we learned how strong of a responder I am before moving on to IUI or anything else that brings the risks of multiples.

Here's the plan for this cycle:

1) Baseline u/s on CD 2 or 3 to check those cysts. If they are 12mm or smaller, then we move on to 50mg of Clo.mid on CDs 3-7. If they are larger than that, then we skip Clo.mid this cycle.

2) Get an u/s on CD 11 to check for follicle development. Continue monitoring until follicles are large enough for trigger.

3) Inject Ovi.drill/HcG to induce ovulation.

4) F*ck like rabbits for two days.

Dr. Gentle explained that we are triggering this cycle for 2 reasons: 1) so we don't miss ovulation again and, more importantly, 2) to force my body to produce progesterone. Given my tendency to spot up to 5 days before AF starts, it's important that we make sure that there is enough progesterone in my body to sustain a pregnancy.

We are supposed to see Dr. Gentle at the end of this cycle no matter what the outcome. If we have a positive HPT, then he will give me progesterone supplements.

Even the shot (should I do it in my thigh or my stomach??) is not scaring me much, especially because so many of you have endured so many of those shots with a level of courage that exists only among soldiers and IFers.

I am very excited because I know that my ovaries are great responders, nothing to sneeze at given my age (35).

But a quick look at the calendar informed me that we will be on vacation in FL from CD 9 - 16. UGH! I completely forgot about the dates of our trip at our appointment this afternoon.

My plan is to call on Monday to find out if I can go for monitoring in the Marc.o Island/Napl.es area while we are there. Since the HcG to be kept cool, I will fill the prescription at a pharmacy in that area. I hate the thought of bringing it on a plane tucked in with an ice pack.

Does anyone have advice on how to make this work? I figure the fact that we are still in t he U.S. makes it feasible. I would hate to cancel this cycle in the meantime!! I am going to do some research on my insurance company and places that it covers in that area of the country. But any and all advice would be greatly appreciated!

Ok, so that sneaky little who.re called hope has creeped back in......

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Before you began to worry that the LIW that you love so much, the one whose talent leans toward all that is pessimistic in regard to her own life (but not to yours), has disappeared, I wanted to let you know that she is still alive and well.

Now that I have had a few hours to process the appointment, I realize that there is so much more to a successful pregnancy than responsive ovaries. I know that there are still so many unknowns in this process....

Serenity is right. She is concerned that I am too pessimistic for my own good. That lots of IFers get pregnant with the Big C. And, if I don't, then my chances are probably good for successful IUIs.

My obsession with researching and curse ummmm I mean talent for considering all possible outcomes *sometimes* leads me astray (sometimes = nearly always.) Dr. Google and various IF blogs have shown me that sometimes egg and/or sperm problems are not diagnosed until IVF, which means that normal SAs and great egg responses to the BIG C and other drugs may mask problems that can only be fixed (or, at least attempted to be fixed) via IVF.

What pisses me off is that the lab *still has not checked Mr. LIW's sample for morphology. His original doc didn't ask for it and my RE has put in a request twice to no avail. It remains like a hanging chad on my worried little mind, even though his good results allegedly suggest that his morphology is fine. I want the data!!

Why do I do this to myself? Hmmm....perhaps I am a *wee* bit masochistic.

I need to stay positive. And hopeful. Not because doing so will increase my chances of having a successful pregnancy (we all know that doesn't matter at all), but because my sanity demands it. And I deserve not to be depressed.

So, here's the question for all of you experts out there. If you were me, knowing what I know following 13 failed cycles of actively trying (the last including Clo.mid), given the fact that my cycles tend to vary from 25 to 34 days, that my blood tests have all proven normal, how optimistic would you be? Serenity correctly reminds me that it is too early to fear the worst, that I am still new to the ART journey, and the statistics are in my favor.....

Please don't tell me that I think too much. Even though I know it is true, it makes me angry to hear it....

DAMN IT! I am going to force myself to be hopeful no matter what! Even if it leads to disappointment! I am putting myself on a hopercise plan. Like exercise for my brain. I am going to train it to think positive thoughts.....

Have I told you lately how I never could make it through this if it wasn't for all of your support? I know it sounds like ass kissing and all, but it is true......