I have decided that steam coming out of the ears will be the next fashion trend

How else to feel ok about looking like a dragon?

I could be right about the fashion trend. Here are the fashion mysteries I use to support my contention:

1. Looking near-death from heroine addiction, including really thick black eyeliner to appear like extreme dark circles, is high fashion/couture.

2. A body suffering from severe malnutrition is sexy.

3. Tiny, barky dogs dressed in frilly pink shirts are fashion accessories.

4. Really tight pants that strangle your ankles and make your thighs look enormous and out of proportion to the rest of your body (the pants that one pear-shaped woman hoped would never return) are coming back into style.

4. Paris Hilton is intentionally placed on the cover of various celebrity magazines even though she has done nothing of interest with her life - unless you count getting intoxicated and partying with whatever actress/performer is down-and-out at the time. (Ok, so this is not a fashion trend, but still...)

Soon I will be in style. My anger will be envied even. I will be stopped on the streets by women who will shyly ask me how I do it.

With feigned humility, I will tell each of them to try (and fail) and try (and fail) and try (and fail), etc. to get pregnant for a year or more. Let hope peak through at points, just when you want to give up, only to find out - you guessed it - that your attempts, once again, have failed. Throw in a hearty dose of "pregnancy" symptoms to make the experience an emotional rollercoaster. Ask pregnant women to follow you wherever you go - especially to places that you *think* may prove to distract you from your pregnancy obsession, like the gym.

But oh, I almost forgot: marry a guy who just doesn't get it. Who insists that, even if it was his body that was the one to watch for symptoms, he wouldn't notice. That he would go on his merry way, continuing to bitch and moan about idiots at work who lose parts/forget to get the necessary information to finish manufacturing jobs/simply shrug his shoulders and be ok with not getting it. So that, if it weren't for IF bloggers, you would be sure that you were going crazy.

That's what I will tell them. And I will be a fashionista. Just like that.