Week 6 Musings *UPDATED: Don't kiss the Messenger*

Thanks for all of the wonderful comments to my last post!! Not only would I not be an IF survivor if it weren't for all of you, but I wouldn't be surviving these first very scary weeks of pregnancy, either..

Each and every moment of every day, I thank the universe for the little life that we saw on that u/s on Friday.

But I would be lying if I said that week 6 of pregnancy was enjoyable. Frankly, it is difficult from each and every angle.

Until I started experiencing cramps ten minutes ago, I was able to feel relatively confident that we will become parents to a healthy baby in October. A magazine on pregnancy that I read over the weekend also helped to put my mind at ease. It said that evolution has ensured that pregnancy is largely a successful enterprise so most (80%) pregnancies will survive.

And I know that our chances of miscarriage are now around (under?) 10% since we saw a strong heartbeat on Friday.

But it is so freaking hard not to panic when something out of the ordinary happens. Like these cramps. They are more frequent and more intense than they have been, at least in the last week. But I need to remember that my ovaries are still larger than normal, especially the right one (the cramps are largely on the right side right now.) And they can cause cramping, too, I believe. And I certainly know how painful clogged intestines can become! But it is hard to keep these in mind in the moment.

Dr. Gentle made me nervous when he asked me on Friday if I am still experiencing cramps. My "yes" answer is what motivated him to instruct me to apply the progesterone gel twice daily instead of once daily.

(Does this mean I am still in danger of losing the pregnancy??)

But leaving the PIO behind was frightening. At least with the shots, I was confident I was receiving the right dosage at all times.

With the gel (and, hey, why is it called a gel? I am no chemist, but that stuff is obviously a CREAM), I am never sure. Have I squeezed all of it out of the tube? Have I moved around too much or too little?

And, though I hesitate to call it "morning sickness" because I am not vomiting and I carry it with me all day, I will tell you that I have quickly gotten tired of feeling so crappy. I am ravenous all the time yet nothing seems appetizing. I feel like puking about 100 times per day. The mucus machine in my sinuses is in overdrive so the post-nasal drip is not helping the nausea. My intestines have largely shut down. I feel gassy after I eat, almost regardless of what it is or how much I have eaten. My stomach feels like it is on fire off-and-on throughout the day thanks to my ulcer and the prenatal vitamins. And, man, am I exhausted. I am a little bit dizzy all day and sometimes full-on dizzy. I feel weak and tired, no matter how much I have eaten or slept. And my moods vary widely by the hour.

The knowledge that everything I do impacts a little life is strange. I am used to paying attention to my body - management of IBS is impossible if you don't - but this is an entirely new level of responsibility. At the same time, I know there is only so much I *can* do to make this pregnancy successful.

It is all worth it, I know that. I never doubt that for an instant. And I want to enjoy each and every moment of this pregnancy. But I can't wait to get to the holy grail that is the second trimester for many women. Maybe then I won't have to depend so much on Fibe.rcom (which helps with the gas and intestinal problems!), replace the prenatal vitamin once per week with folic acid (to give my ulcer a chance to calm down), and be constantly worried that a miscarriage is imminent.

I would like to ask my blogger lovelies for a little input. What did your normal (=non-miscarriage-cramps) feel like? Did you experience aches/cramps in your vag.inal area? What was your experience with using the progesterone "gel" (CREAM)?

You know I will, as always, appreciate your input!

****************************************
You know the saying, "Don't shoot the messenger?" Well, in regards to Dr. Gentle's Nurse, it should be "Don't kiss the messenger."

Dr. Gentle instructed me to get a blood test on Friday to check my progesterone level since I am experiencing cramping and we would be switching to the gel (aka cream.)

The Nurse just left me a message - I hate that I was away from my phone - to say that my progesterone level is "incredible" and "awesome."

The goal is for the level to be over 25.

LIW's = 459.

What can I say? The fact that I am unbelievably sensitive has its benefits. I tend to react very strongly to meds. Hence why I had a mild case of OHSS from the lowest dose of Gona.l-F prescribable.

So, I am taking this to mean that a miscarriage is even MORE unlikely. That's an acceptable interpretation, right? My body certainly seems like it is doing everything it can to make this a successful pregnancy.

So, if little life doesn't make it, it's because of some chromosomal problem. It's the only reason left for a miscarriage. Though there are probably some fluke reasons that I am unaware of and hope to never learn about.

I think that the progesterone level explains why my stomach popped so early. And why my intestines and stomach are so screwed up (since these are side effects of progesterone.)

So, more cause to be confident that little life will turn out to be a healthy baby in October, right?
******************************

ANOTHER UPDATE:
I just called the nurse because I realized that she didn't tell me if it was ok to use only one gel/cream application every day instead of two (Dr. Gentle didn't want to reduce me to one until he saw the level of progesterone in my blood.)

She said, "yes, one will be sufficient."

So then I asked if a progesterone level this high could cause any problems for the pregnancy and she told me no, it would not.

I instructed her to continue to give me good news - we laughed - and then I said, a bit hesitantly, "well, this is another reason to be confident, right?"

I wish I could have taped her response to play back over and over in my head.

She said, "Yes, it is certainly indicative of a healthy pregnancy."

If I could only drown out all of the anxious thoughts in my head. Imagine if I went off of the citalo.pram? I shudder to think of what my brain would act like then.

One thing I *do* know for sure is that high progesterone levels = increased chance of heartburn, stomach upset, and constipation (I just verified that via Dr. Google.)

I welcome all of it if it means I get to be a mom....