Make that 4 times

I nearly kissed my OB when she asked if we wanted to have another peek at Little Life at our appointment on Wednesday afternoon.

(Would anyone ever say "No"?)

The u/s was pretty low-tech, though I now realize how advanced the u/s in Dr. Gentle's office is (spoiled anyone? I honestly think that I am missing the dildocam. It's insane, I know, but it is true.) So we didn't take any measurements and Mr. LIW was *thoroughly* disappointed that we wouldn't be getting a picture to take home. He's a camera buff after all and he has already assigned great emotional value to the pictures of Little Life (looking tiny and largely blobby) that we have.

But there LL was, heart beating away, lightly curling and uncurling. I can't be sure if it is because the OB was shifting the wand or the baby moved, but we got a quick butt shot. Very cool. I think I love my baby's little bottom already. :-)

Other than that, the appointment was largely uneventful. We went over in more detail the prenatal screening for which we have opted. We are doing the triple screen, especially because the sum total of the results carry 95% accuracy and only a 2.5% false positive rate. The NT scan is scheduled for March 25th and then the subsequent blood tests over the following weeks. I nearly fell off my chair when making the next appointment to see the NP. The receptionist said, "Well, let's have it coincide with the last blood test so you can do them on the same day. Let's see...you need to do it around week 15, how about April 14th?"

In a month, I will be nearly 4 months. To me, hitting the 4 month mark (and entering the 5th) is being *really* pregnant.

I think I am going to refer to the OB as Dr. Smart. Mr. LIW and I both liked her and kept her overtime talking about statistics, electronic medical records, and data-mining methods. She both clearly enjoys the human side of her job as well as the intellectual side. So, basically, we love her. She reminds us of Dr. Gentle in many ways. (Mr. LIW and I agree that the NP is the weak link in that team. But we hope that she improves as we move forward.)

Dr. Smart's discussion of the prenatal testing was fantastic. I asked a question that had been burning in my brain - as to whether or not the stats re: chromosomal abnormalities and maternal age included pregnancies terminated for abnormalities - and she said yes. That the data set is quite extensive and virtually encompasses all pregnancies on record.

Phew. And take that, Dr. Google. He gave me the opposite answer, which worried me.

She also was careful to point out that we need to be prepared to do an Amnio if our ratios indicate a problem and we decide that we must have a definitive answer before Little Life is born.

Luckily, for all of our differences, Mr. LIW and I nearly always agree on important matters like this.

We are prepared for that situation, if it arises. We would have the amnio. But we both hope that the stats come back at or better than my age. If they are not, unless it looks grim, we will hope for the best and proceed.

And, without even knowing me, she shared a wonderfully comforting story about a couple who was understandably distraught when their ratio came back 1:2. They did the amnio.....and the baby was fine.

("See, there IS always hope and chromosomal abnormalities ARE highly unlikely," is what I heard.)

Mr. LIW realizes that, if the ratio is scary and we decide to have an amnio, we will have a few horrifying weeks until the procedure and its results. But I am ok with that. If I can make it through the first panic-striken weeks following the BFP, I can make it through that. No matter what the ratio, there will be cause for hope that Little Life has normal chromosomes. It will be a test, for sure, but I will have to keep the panic in check.

Overall, though, I *am* expecting to be holding my breath somewhat until week 18-20 - once we have the prenatal testing results and another u/s or two. I even contemplated trying to keep my pregnancy a secret from everyone who currently does not know. And then I laughed to myself. Even I know that that will not be possible. Not for someone who's stomach popped at 5 weeks. And, honestly, despite the scale staying basically where it has been for a few weeks, my stomach has clearly grown. Honestly, it is quite obvious, I think.

I am thrilled about having a bump. And, for the first time that I can remember, am not afraid of getting bigger and all of the body changes. In all honesty, I am fascinated and excited. But I continue to be afraid of making my pregnancy common knowledge until we know that everything is ok.

And then I remind myself that our chances of a chromosomal abnormality are around 1%. How can I put something so wonderful on hold for something so unlikely?

(See, I can recognize my own craziness. This is a good sign, right?)

What's perhaps even crazier, at least for me, is that I bought shirts to be used as maternity last weekend. Just like that. Well, ok, it wasn't *that* easy, but my sister suggested that I try to buy regular summer shirts on clearance/sale that have roomy stomachs. Which are luckily in style. She pointed out that putting off buying actual maternity shirts is the best way to go. So, I carefully selected shirts that had roomy stomachs. Some I was able to buy in my usual size small, others I opted for a medium. The difficulty with buying shirts that are a larger size is that I have a small upper frame. And my shoulders are smaller now that I don't work out like I used to. But my favorite choice, even though it is a little big on the shoulders, made me excited to be big and pregnant in August. Mind you, this shirt looks ridiculous on me pre-large pregnancy bump because of my pear-shaped figure but I think it will make the cutest maternity top!

Anyway, I got some ridiculously great deals at H&.M and two adorable shirts at the Ga.p. Neither labeled maternity but both for maternity needs. It was exciting, I won't lie. And scary. But I kept the panic in check and made my purchases.

Even more exciting was the thought that I can use a few of those shirts in Mexico, which is now barely over a month away. We will be on our trip during my 17th week of pregnancy, which is reportedly the best time to travel. I told my sister that this will probably be the best vacation ever: to be on a beautiful beach on my birthday with a baby on the way.

I told Mr. LIW last night (my stomach felt remarkably better - less water works wonders - so we went out to dinner) that I didn't want anything for my 36th birthday. We are going to Mexico for a wonderful vacation and I am having a baby. That's enough for me.

Though I did ask for my christmas card and my Valentine's day card. He still has not written them out. He buys them in plenty of time but wants to write the perfect message so he often puts it off. I actually find it to be cute. And it is refreshing that I am not the only perfectionist in the house, though he likes to say that I am.

So, life is good. The indigestion is improving since I am starting to get this water-sipping thing into a system. I will eventually have to increase my water intake but I hope that will get easier over the next few weeks when my uterus moves up and away from my intestines. I woke up to a horrible leg cramp last night, which may have been caused by not enough fluids or a lack of calicum. Or from the shoes I wore last night. Who knows. But if it happens again, I will figure it out.

Because I am a normal pregnant woman experiencing a normal pregnancy that will result in a normal baby.

(the mantra is working!)