Just to make my life more interesting....

I took a terrible fall yesterday morning on my street on my way to work. I tripped a bit, caught myself, and then continued to hurry. In the rain. Trying to balance an umbrella, a bag, and my purse - all while trying to put my house keys back in my purse.

And then I fell. HARD. My chin took the brunt of it - and has the raw, exposed skin and colorful bruising to prove it. My left shoulder and left knee took the rest of the impact.

It was horrible. I broke down in tears, picked myself up, and walked back into the house. I was still recovering from Monday's stressful interaction with Dr. Jokester so I was already less than thrilled about going into work. Once I saw how terrible I looked, and realized I was starting to get dizzy, I sent an email explaining why I wouldn't be in.

My second thought when I fell - after "Oh F*CK" - was whether or not the impact harmed Little Life in anyway. I don't recall hitting my abdomen at all. I think the left side of my body absorbed all of the impact. So immediately I stopped panicking about that and called Mr. LIW.

He was concerned that I might have gotten a concussion. Or broken my jaw. Seriously, I felt dizzy and confused for about 40 minutes but then it went away. I wouldn't let myself nap until the afternoon.

But I started to get worried today about Little Life. Partially because, well, it's sure easy to worry. But the people I told about the fall that know about the pregnancy asked if I hit my stomach/abdomen. And they were all worried.

My next appointment is next Wednesday. It is the first one with the OB we have chosen. The NP on Friday was not certain whether or not we would get an u/s or even a doppler attempt at that appointment since it was still so early. Because I am both a bit worried about Little Life AND I want another u/s (I am an u/s hog, what can I say?), I called the OB's office today and asked that we schedule an u/s for next Wed at the same time as my appointment. The receptionist gave me a bit of a run around (I am starting to not like calling there) about how they don't usually do u/s in their offices. Which I simply don't believe. This is not a lame practice by any means. Plus I remember the NP stating that the OB "might" pull out the u/s machine while I am there to take a quick look. Maybe this receptionist is new? I told her (for the second time!) that I fell really hard yesterday and I am kind of scared, and would like to know that everything is ok.

She put me on hold and, when she came back on the line, gave me some appointment times with a midwife for tomorrow. I am still not 100% certain that I am getting an u/s because I couldn't exactly get a definitive answer out of this receptionist but I *think* we will be able to take a peak at Little Life tomorrow at 3:45pm.

Honestly, if we are denied an u/s tomorrow and next week, I might consider trying another OB. If they are not going to give in to my scared pleas, then I don't want to go there. I'll see what happens.

In the meantime, I have experienced more cramping today but still no blood. I remember having read something that said even minor car accidents couldn't ruin a pregnancy at this stage. But I can't seem to find it today. The cramping scares me but it could just be a coincidence.

To make matters even more stressful, I got in a bit of a tiff with Dr. Jokester today because he relayed a joke about how meaningless a PhD in the social sciences/humanities is. I was bullshit. I don't need this. Luckily (and I am proud of myself for this), I stood up for myself. And went back and confronted him with, "is that really what you think of my education? Because if it is, I am offended."

Anyway, it turned into a long conversation (with me confidently stating that I know I bring alot to the table - both from my degree and my experience - and he apologized repeatedly, telling me it was a joke. That he feels really badly that he hurt my feelings.

Then he told me that, if I want the upgrade in position that I have asked for, I need to earn it. I said, "that's great. I do my best work when I am intellectually challenged." Which is 100% true.

So, he gave me the reigns on one of the many many projects he is working on now. I am still feeling angry and frustrated but a coworker of mine thinks his comment was partially because he is afraid he won't be able to get me a good title with good pay and he wants me to stay. I also think he was insulted that I rejected the offer on Monday without second thought. And without talk of how much I want to stay. He is not a bad person, but he needs to know at all times that he is the top dog. He talks about how he doesn't need the glory or the attention, but he is wrong. He does. I see it all the time and I have heard it from others. He wants to be respected and adored. I think he wants me to give anything to work for him.

Well, he knows now that that is not the case. And I pointed out a couple of times that this is not where I want to be in my career.

Anyway, we are on better footing now. He even said that he was glad I stood up for myself. Not as glad as I was, I can tell you that. I said that I am tired of being devalued. I had explained previously that I got screwed in my last couple of jobs and I don't want it to happen again.

Needless to say, my job search will continue. But if I can get something decent here - a job that will advance my skill set - then I need to stick it out at least until Little Life comes into this world (knock on wood!)

So, all in all, it has been a shitty week for sure. My chin looks horrific. It's probably a good thing that I work in a medical center or people would probably stare even more than they do now. It's going to take a long time to heal, that's for sure. But finding out that Little Life is growing well tomorrow (I HOPE!) will certainly help. Fingers crossed!!

(I am sorry that I have been so busy I haven't had time to catch up on your blogs. I promise to do my best very soon. I certainly am interested and send all of you love!!)

(And, HOLY SHIT, today makes 10 weeks. I am afraid to even acknowledge it because it feels like a dangerous thing to do, you know? I will acknowledge the fact that today was my last application of Crin.one. HURRAY for that!!)