"Well Yes, Virgina, Life CAN get more complicated!"

(Ok, so the title is not a great restatement of the famous reassurance to Virgina that there is, in fact, a big man in a red suit who brings gifts to good little boys and girls on December 25th.)

The pee stick at Dr. Gentle's office came back negative.

He told me to do a HPT on Friday if AF still doesn't arrive. Just because ovulation began as of CD11 does not mean that it happened on that day or even on CD12. It could have happened a couple of days later, which means a pregnancy might be too early to show up on a pee stick.

If AF doesn't come by Monday, I am to get a beta.

But I am not holding out any hope. That story would be too sweet. Those things never happen to me.

To add to the joy, the lab finally (after 3 requests) checked the morphology on Mr. LIW's sperm. They used the frozen sample that he deposited in April.

Dr. Gentle was *shocked* to discover below normal results - only 2% was good. Since normal ranges from 4-14%, these results are troubling.

He has instructed Mr. LIW to give another sample. Since Mr. LIW's count was so good (75 million) he thinks that the fact that the sample was frozen might have slightly lowered the range so that it fell below normal.

For those of you who know me well, I am *not* feeling good about this. It is a good thing that Mr. LIW and I kept reminding Dr. Gentle to get those results.

My feeling is, even if Mr. LIW's typical morphology is 4%, though it is normal, it is not great. It might be partially responsible for our difficulty.

Compounded IF makes pregnancy even harder to achieve, as you all know.

If the next sample reveals under 4%, Dr. Gentle recommends that we skip all other treatments and move straight to IVF. And I assume that we will use ICSI.

This is disconcerting to say the least. Though part of me wanted to move to the treatment that offered us our best chance, I was fully hoping that an IUI would work.

So, again, this is not good news (does anyone catch the understated sadness and frustration here?)

Once Af starts, I need to call Dr. Gentle to arrange an HSG, which we will need even if we move directly to IVF. We plan to monitor my ovulation with u/s and use a trigger shot. Since an HSG marginally increases our chances of conceiving, we are going to use this cycle to its full advantage.

I decided not to put the HSG off for a month. If we are going to move on to IVF, the sooner we do this the better, I think.

But I am sad. Really, really, body-shaking sobs sad.

To make matter even worse, I peeked at the scale this afternoon. And my sense that I have gained weight recently was validated. That month of sitting on my ass - and having to cancel my gym membership back in March - explain everything.

The next challenge for me is to try to get more active again without falling back into my ED-obsessive-behavior-workout-patterns.

The only good news is that work is incredibly challenging and fast-paced....but also incredibly fulfilling, for which I am grateful. My boss appreciates my input and treats me like her equal, which is a nice change for me. I am starting to think that I may want to stay on here whether or not the federal job works out. At the very least, I am hoping to get an offer for a permanent job, no matter what I decide to do. A little ego boost never hurt!

Any and all support from you lovely bloggers would be greatly appreciated right now!