Dedication to Mr. LIW

Luckily, over the weekend, I pulled myself together and stopped assuming that LL was slowly dying every day and, if I didn't obsess - umm, I mean pay close attention - I would lose our chance to save him. A great talk with my BBF, T, is what saved me. I realized that my obsession was probably yet another device to rob me of happiness. I am many things, including my own worst enemy sometimes. Combine a deep-seated belief that I probably don't really deserve happiness and the utter surreal nature of pregnancy after the hell of IF and - poof - I expect Little Life to pass on under (DESPITE) my watchful eye. T pointed out to me - and rightfully so - that even 1/2 of the attention I pay to my body and LL is probably significantly more than the averager person considers "paying attention." (average does not include IFers, BTW). Anyway, that talk helped me to calm down a bit. Now I focus on the fact that LL moves everyday, even though it continues to vary in frequency. What's important is that I feel him move and his movements feel nice and strong. Still more rolls and squirming than kicks but maybe that's how he likes things. My favorite is when he taps on the right side of my uterus (I think that's where his feet normally are) while I am engaged in a serious conversation at work (have I mentioned that I am working my ASS off to get up to speed asap and stay on top of 100s of moving parts???) It makes me imagine a two year old tapping me on the shoulder trying to get my attention. I smile and laugh inside each and every time.

Boy, do I love that little guy with all my heart and soul.

No progress on the child care front. Incredibly busy work days help to give me yet another reason not to call potential sites. But I am gradually psyching myself up for it. I have, however, registered Mr. LIW and I for 3 classes: natural childbirth, breastfeeding basics, and newborn care. I feel good about it. The childbirth class isn't until September so we are pushing it a bit but I refuse to think about the implications of going into labor 3 weeks early. I simply won't allow myself to think that way. It's all in the name of sanity.

In accordance with the title of this post, I want to borrow Bry.an Adams' lyrics as a dedication to Mr. LIW, who continues to engender gratitude in my heart and soul. I believe that we may actually get to raise Little Life and, because of how hard we have worked to turn IF and other life challenges into couple-strengthening exercises, we may actually turn out to be great parents.

A quick disclaimer: I am not typically a big fan of this artist nor do I appreciate the grammatical laziness of the lyrics, but I heard this song on Pand.ora and felt it fit exactly how I am feeling right now.


"We Found What We Were Looking For"

We found our strength - we found our way at last
We found tomorrow - by building on our past
We paid our dues - we stick together - come whatever

We're still standin' - didn't fall to pieces
Never lost our reason - never stopped believin'

We found our wings and now we fly above the wind
You and me - we found what we're looking for

We gave it all - gave our very best
With every fall - we withstood the test
We broke the rules
Had to do it - to get thru it

We found our wings together we found everything
You and me - we found what we're looking for
You made me shine - picked me up when I fell behind
With you - I never need to search no more

We're still standin' - didn't fall to pieces
Never lost our reason - never stopped believin'
Ah never stopped - believin'

We found our wings and together we found everything
You and me - we found what we're looking for
You made me shine picked me up when I fell behind
With you - I never need to search no more
You and me we found what we were looking for