For All of Those Amazing Blogger Lovelies Who Refuse to Desert My Blog Despite My Constant MIA

That's me (and Little Life, of course) at 35 weeks.

Have I mentioned how exhausted I am? Uncomfortable? How tired I am that work takes so much from me when I know I should try to sleep as much as I can now?

I actually had a mini-emotional breakdown on Wednesday afternoon and then stayed home on Thursday. One of the VPs basically told me that I was making excuses when I explained why my team hadn't moved forward on something. My answer was legit, though it is true that I didn't anticipate her frustration. And you know why?

BECAUSE I AM IN MY LAST WEEKS OF PREGNANCY, I AM FUCKING EXHAUSTED, AND I MANAGE 5 BUSY ACCOUNTS.

Of course, I didn't say that. I did push back with further explanation but she wasn't pleased.

You know the worst part? She has a 5-month-old daughter and rumor has it that she was constantly out sick while pregnant. I have worked from home a handful of days but I have worked.

I heard that she was even meaner prior to becoming a mother. But I am SO tired of women who have "made it" because they have taken on stereotypically male business personas. She's admitted that I am much "nicer" than her. Which is not an excuse in my book.

Anyway, I have come to realize that the VPs work significantly less than people do at my level. And that we carry the weight of the accounts and our teams on our shoulders. It just got to be too much for me.

I am feeling a bit better today and a few of my team members have reinforced the parts of my job that I love, which is great. I found out that entry level employees rub it in to others when they get me as a supervisor. And another team member, having witnessed my Wednesday breakdown, told me how much it means to her that I continue to be so supportive of my team members and their struggles despite the fact that I am consistently overwhelmed.

- I know what I add to this place and to the people around me -

But I am still pissed off. And SO.DAMN.TIRED.

Ok, enough about work. Let's talk about LL.

His clothes and sheets are washed. We picked up the rest of the essentials on Friday night that we hadn't received from my shower. I even bought a package of diapers, though I forgot to on Friday night (DUH!)

He moves frequently enough for me not to worry much - or at least often. I think he faces to my left now because I feel (what I believe to be) his feet to the left of the very top of my belly. Once or twice a week, I feel his head grinding its way down the birth canal. He hasn't dropped yet but I expect that will happen soon.

Am I still convinced that I will get a healthy baby out of this? Well, not exactly. But I am comforted by the thought that he could be born tomorrow and be fine. Assuming that he makes it through the birthing process.

And don't even ask me if I feel confident about bfeeding. HA! I am quite nervous about that. But one step at a time, right?

Sunday is the first half of our childbirth class. Hopefully I come away more confident than I am now. :-)

All I can say is, I tip my hat to my IF friends who gave birth to multiples!! I can't imagine how uncomfortable they must be!! I have gained approximately 22 pounds or so and I just can't get comfortable. Not to mention the fear involved in having 2 (or 3) babies at once!!

When I think about this - and, of course, the fact that I am one of the luckiest women in the world to have LL - everything else is put into perspective.

But you can bet that I am looking forward to sleeping on my stomach again. :-)