No Solution...But Fears (mostly) Abated

I am still trying to accept the fact that Little Life is ok. I think I am numb because I prepared myself for the worst.

Ok, I called the OB's office at 7:59am (it opens at 8am). The Medical Assistant put me on hold after I explained (through clenched teeth so I wouldn't collapse into tears) what had happened. Within a few minutes, she asked me if I could come in. And RIGHT AWAY. That Dr. Smart wanted to see me.

Thanks to the fucking traffic, a trip that should have taken us 20 minutes took us 35. We got to the office by 8:45am. I was feeling sick. And weepy. And tried to ignore the big bellies in the room.

The Medical Assistant - Rosa - came out to get us somewhere around 9:30/9:45. When I explained why I was there (after she took my weight, which has stayed the same in the last couple of weeks - leaving me even more worried!)I broke down and sobbed. Rosa was wonderful. She told me that other women had come in for similar reasons and usually everything was fine. Then she grabbed me and hugged me hard. She was wonderful.

I explained that I cry when I am scared and she whispered, "Me, too." I seriously felt a bit better.

After she left, I saw Mr. LIW grab a few tissues for himself. Throughout this ordeal, he had refused to fully calm my fears. All he had been saying was, "my fingers are crossed." I know that he was scared shitless, too.

Dr. Smart came in and, based on the way she treated and talked to us, reinforced my belief that I had chosen the right OB. She explained, in great detail, what could have happened. It was possible that my regular discharge had increased in amount and came out in a whoosh when I got up since I had been lying down for so long.

She didn't seem too convinced by the leaking urine possibility, but she didn't rule it out.

Then she explained how we would test for ruptered membranes and what that might mean for the pregnancy. She was straightforward. She was clear. Yet I could tell that she really cared about me and Little Life.

But, since I hadn't continued to leak, she thought the chances that the membranes hadn't ruptered were good.

Her approach actually helped me to calm down a bit. I knew I was in good hands.

First she did a swab-type test, which would turn blue if amniotic fluid had leaked. She also checked near my cervix for pooled liquid. Lastly, she took a sample of liquid from my vaginal/cervix area and put it on a slide to look for a "ferning" effect.

The first thing she showed me was the swab/stick. How it was not blue. At all. And all I could think of was those little tab things my mother used to use to test the ph in her fish tank when I was a kid. It's crazy how your mind wanders under stress!

Second, she told me that she saw no pooled liquid. And reminded me that I should still have been experiencing leaking if the membranes had ruptured.

Before she left to examine the slide, we heard the baby's hb with the doppler. She found it nearly right away. And it sounded nice and fast.

When she came back, she told me that the slide looked perfect. But, as originally planned, we would go for an ultrasound to make sure that there is enough amniotic fluid. She explained how important those levels are in lung development. And told us, in the most gentle terms possible, what would happen if the levels were low and did not replenish. I listened intently but was struggling to ignore the "NO NO NO" in my brain.

The Medical Assistant was able to get us in to one of the two diagnostic centers that they use. We showed up there around 10am, I think, and were surprised when we only had to wait 25 minutes.

Amy, the tech, was absolutely wonderful. We were all excited to see the blackness - representing the amniotic sac - on the screen. She insisted that the levels of amniotic fluid looked absolutely fine. Little Life was bopping around so she had to move the wand around alot but she really enjoyed it. And took her time showing us the baby's parts (arms, legs, a hand waving) and waiting for the baby to get in good poses for u/s pictures.

I nearly told her I loved her.

What I did tell her is that I really liked working with her. That she is great. That we hope to see her again.

She showed the pics to the doc to make sure she got all of the necessary shots and came back to tell us everything was great, that we could go home.

As I was pulling my pants back on, Mr. LIW, reading my mind, suggested we go for a late breakfast at this fantastic diner near where we live. The only other time we have been there was after my egg retrieval.

We had the same breakfast we had that January day. And I simply kept reminding myself that I can let myself "feel" again. That everything is ok.

In the car, I stared at the pics from today's ultrasound. I couldn't believe them. I still feel in shock.

But Little Life appears to be in great health. He/she was measuring a bit short but the tech didn't tell us by how much. She said these measurements vary because they tend to like to curl up at this stage. Perhaps that is why she checked his/her development. But she gave me no indication that anything is wrong. She said all of the squirming and movement the baby was doing was a great sign.

So I guess I will never know what happened. But thanks to all of you amazing bloggers, it seems entirely plausible that it could have been increased discharge (which I have been experiencing during the day) coming out at once or a little urine leakage. Or night sweats. My guess is that is was a combination of ALL of those things, hence why my pjs were so wet.

I am exhausted. Just bone tired. I really need to go to work - both for monetary and workload reasons. But much of my work can be done later in the day. So, I think I will nap for a bit and then go in for 4 hours or so. I simply can't imagine getting anything accomplished without a little rest first.

I am not sure whether or not Dr. Smart is going to call us. I can't remember what she said. But it looks like all signs point to safe pregnancy. I need to embrace that.

I told Mr. LIW that Little Life is going to give me a heart attack before his /her first birthday. Good thing my blood pressure and cholesterol levels are ok (even though my BP was a bit high this morning!)

A BIG thank you for all of your wonderful comments. I can never overstate how much I value all of your love and support!!!!